14 June, 2009

Learning from your mistakes will help you get back with your ex.

Life gives us the chance to make the right decisions in order for us to better ourselves in terms of living, work, school, and relationships. Mistakes are made when we often make the wrong decisions, deliberately or unknowingly.

Like stepping stones leading to another place, mistakes in relationships will often give us the chance to better ourselves for either the next relationship to come or for a past relationship. When we break up with our partners for different reasons, it often leaves us to re-assess what we did wrong in that relationship in order for us to avoid doing the same mistake in the next relationship, should there be a new one. Learning from your mistakes will sometimes mend your broken ways with your ex and getting back with your ex may be a possibility. Getting back together with your ex is ideal, assuming because it shows that you really love your ex and you would do what it takes to get back with your ex. Romantic as a failed relationship given a second chance may sound, take note that the phrase “history repeats itself” will be applicable. Just because we learn from our mistakes doesn’t mean we are not susceptible to doing it again. When people say that love is better the second time around, it also means that the pain involved will also be greater than the first time. So in a sense, there is more to risk in a second chance at a relationship because unlike a new relationship where in you get to start with a clean slate, second chances involve starting where you left off after breaking up.

Before considering getting back together with your ex, know what you did wrong in the previous relationship, regardless of the significance or value of the mistake. Assure yourself if your partner would also do the same because if not, then history will indeed repeat itself.
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How do I get my ex boyfriend back – When women realize their mistake of breaking up

There are always two sides of a story. When it comes to relationships, it’s usually the guys who are at fault for the break up. When women are at fault, it may take some time for them to realize before they ask themselves “how do I get my ex boyfriend back” or when they see their ex with someone else.

Breaking up is never easy. When women find it hard to move on after a break up, it may take some time for them to move on, most especially if they are the ones who are at fault for breaking up. In general, people find it hard to admit to their mistakes when they realize what they’ve done, and in a relationship point of view, when one or the other commits a mistake, they usually don’t admit to it. Sometimes all it takes for a person to realize their mistakes is when they see their ex is happy with someone else. It’s a harsh reality but more often than not, this happens to majority of us. When you start asking yourself “how do I get my ex boyfriend back”, then chances are you are now realizing what you’ve done after the break up. But worry not, there is still a chance that you can get your ex back and here is what you need to do:

1.) Admit to your mistakes by talking to your ex boyfriend.
2.) Re-evaluate where you went wrong in your relationship.
3.) Avoid the same mistakes if you are given a second chance.

Of course, you really can’t force your ex boyfriend to get back with you if he is already happy with someone else. But you can never be happy with yourself if you don’t admit to your mistakes. Mistakes will always haunt us and it is the price we pay for doing so but the best part in mistakes is that we make sure that we avoid doing them all over again.
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10 June, 2009

I want to get back with my ex – things to do before wanting to get them back

After a break up, people would immediately have the mentality of “I want to get my ex boyfriend back” or “I want to get my ex girlfriend back”. Some would immediately opt to start over and start dating again, some would often want to get back with their ex after breaking up with them.

There’s a saying that we lose things in order to gain something better. But what if we get back what we lost, but only better? Does it make sense? In a relationship point of view, breaking up with your partner is a normal yet difficult thing to do. After a break up, people would often want to move on by starting over again with new people. Others would want to move on by getting back with their ex. Now, these choices are not to be made easily. If you look at what happened to your relationship as a spectator and not the victim, you would often see the mistakes that were committed in the relationship. Saying “I want my ex girlfriend back” or “I want my ex boyfriend back” usually means that you want to give your relationship another chance. But hang on; there are things that you have to consider before getting them back:

1.) Analyze your mistakes – did you or your partner commit mistakes that caused the relationship to falter? This is the turning point of the decision to get them back or not.

2.) Will you do them again – will you commit the same mistakes all over again? Can you assure yourself or your partner that you won’t commit the same mistake twice?

3.) Value of self preservation – if your partner was the one at fault and you still want them back, ask for their assurance that he/she will treat you right the second time around if the relationship is given another shot.

4.) Value of self importance – ego is not a factor here. There was a ME before a WE in a relationship. Did you value the WE part more than the ME part? Are you terrible at being single (yes, some people are like this.)? Give yourself a chance to recover and do the first 3 steps before considering and making plans to get them back.

It’s very easy to say “I want to get my ex girlfriend back” or “I want to get my ex boyfriend back” after a break up. If you have reassessed yourself and the relationship enough to actually give it a second chance, then by all means go for it. But if there is but a single shred of doubt, then don’t commit into re-entering the relationship. Going back to your ex is a lot difficult than committing yourself into a new one.
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Things to consider before you get your ex back

In almost every break up, the first thing that will almost definitely come to your mind is to get your ex back. Moving on will never is the easiest part after the post-break up stage in your life. It never is. Sometimes, during this stage, you might think that there are still chances that you will get your ex back.

As I’ve said before, moving on is never the easiest part but it doesn’t necessarily mean that it’s the hardest part. More often than not, couples who have lasted for more than 3 years are more than likely to have broken up once or twice, but have managed to get back together for a variety of reasons. I have friends who have been together for more than 5 years, broken up at least twice in their relationship lifespan before settling down and getting married. Where I am getting at is, sometimes moving on doesn’t mean that you have to start dating other people again but to make the effort to get back with your ex if the chance would present itself, but you have to take into consideration the factors and reasons why you broke up in the first place. If you broke up for reasons listed below, then there is still a chance that you can get your ex back:

- work is getting in the way
- long distance relationship will never work for you
- career first before relationship
- you or your partner need the space (definitely the most widely used form of break up reason, in my honest opinion)
- other external factors like family, peers

But if you broke up because one of you cheated on the other, then it would be a mistake on your part or on your partner’s part if you can get him/her back. The phrase “History repeats itself” is more than likely to happen if you broke up with him/her because one of you cheated. So if you broke up because one or the other cheated and you got together again, it’s going to be the same story again, unless one of you will decide to change for the better.

There are so many reasons why couples would break up, sometimes it would be for the most pathetic or sometimes the most selfless act they can do. The latter is a rare occurrence of course, but yes they do happen. Getting your ex back is sometimes a challenge in itself, not only the process but also prolonging your second chance at your relationship and avoiding the same mistakes all over again.
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09 June, 2009

Why People break up and what to do after the break up

There are so many reasons why couples break up. There are many possibilities that may come into that tiny little noggin of yours. There are also a lot of things do after the break up.

There are so many factors and circumstances which might lead to a break up. Factors like work, distance, family and peers or even a third party; and circumstances like religion, family tradition, fixed marriage setups, and the list goes on and on. In any case, we often end up questioning ourselves after the break up. Certain questions like “Is there a chance I can get my ex back?” or “where did I/he/she/we go wrong?” or “what am I supposed to do now?” begin to pop into our head one by one as a form of self evaluation. Break ups will often put people at their lowest and depressing stage in their lives and it will often lead to them doing something drastic or desperate. To cope with a break up, acceptance is always the key technique. Accepting that the WE is now a ME, accepting that you’re now in the pool of bachelors, accepting the fact that you deserve someone better and your partner deserves someone better to are just some of the things that you need to consider after the break up.

Some things aren’t meant to stay together and some things aren’t meant for us to hold on to for a long time, whether it’s in the case of relationships or any materialistic object that we may value in our lives.
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The art of breaking up – tips on how to break up

There are so many articles out there giving advices and tips on how to get together with a guy or a girl. There are so many dating articles that most of them end up saying the exact same thing but rephrased differently. But did you know that articles with a topic on how to break up is also being looked up by millions of single (and married(?)) people all over the world. If you think that this article is about getting out of relationships easily, then you’re wrong. If getting in is hard, breaking up should be even harder.

There may come a point in time in your relationship that you or your partner might consider ending the relationship. Maybe because the spark in your relationship is gone, or maybe one or both of you fell out of love or maybe even the decision to enter the relationship was a mistake. In any case, when this realization starts hitting you, another fork in the road comes along: should I end it or not? Sometimes, a relationship that’s no longer survived by one person is a failing relationship, survived in a sense that there’s no more effort to keep the relationship going. If you choose to opt for the former, then read on. If you choose the latter, then stop reading the article. Breaking up is never easy but here are some few tips on how to break up without it being too difficult for you.

Tip on how to break up #1 – consider the factors why the relationship is failing. Is it because of work? Stress? Distance? Does it involve a certain third party? Do you still love your partner? In any case, the key to a civilized break up is to talk with your partner about your relationship. Full frontal brutal honesty is required for this talk.

Tip on how to break up #2 – if the relationship is no longer worth keeping (yes, there are some couples out there who stay together only for the sake of being together.), then it’s best to tell your partner how you feel. Maybe he/she is thinking the exact same thing.

Tip on how to break up #3 – NEVER MAKE A REASON FOR YOU TO BREAK UP. Don’t go out forcefully seeing other people just so you can break up with your partner. It’s barbaric and at the same time it will definitely hurt your partner.

As I’ve said before, breaking up is never easy. But sometimes, when you’ve done those first 2 tips, you and your partner are actually evaluating the relationship and where it is right now. If you can manage to salvage and start over, then it’s an even better alternative. No one can ever tell a couple how to break up since it would be completely dependent on the couple alone how they are going to do it. If there is still a glimpse of a silver lining in your failing relationship, then that alone is enough for you to keep the relationship going and talk to your partner about it. Who knows, maybe you’ll regret it and start thinking about getting your ex back.
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08 June, 2009

Dating after a break up – Good or bad idea?

Breaking up with someone is always the hardest thing to do. Coping after a break up is a lot harder. As stated in previous articles, there will always be a reason why couples break up.

Sometimes the things people do after a break up end up being stupid and regrettable. Majority would think “I want to get my ex girlfriend back” or “I want to get my ex boyfriend back” the moment they would see their ex with someone else. Now why is this? Often times, the reason for this is that people who have a hard time after a break up find a rebound person or someone that they feel comfortable with or to mask their true feelings and insecurities. Come on, dating after breaking up with your girlfriend or boyfriend isn’t exactly a good idea unless you’re one who quickly jumps up after being down after a break up. Then again, most people aren’t like that. It’s like going into battle with a bullet wound in your leg; you are not at your 100% performance level to get the next guy or girl that comes into your sights. If you have the mentality of “I want to get my ex girlfriend back or I want to get my ex boy friend back” when you see them with someone else, then you are fighting a losing battle, my friend. Deal with the pain of a break up in your own terms, not theirs. Sure there may be chances that they are only dating the girl/guy just to make you jealous but if you look at it from a closer point of view, those that date other people after a break up are just as broken as you are.

Coping after a break up requires patience and effort. If you are the one that can quickly bounce up after a bad break up, then good for you. If not, then you need the time to reassess everything.
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