Behind the heartbreak – thoughts and actions before and after a break up

Through the course of life, at some point in time we experience perhaps one of the most tragic incidents and that is losing a loved one. What is more painful about this is the thought that the one you loved was lost not because of an accident but by actions we did that resulted in breaking the former bond of our relationship. In addition, the moment of a break up is not the only instance that the pain would be felt but also the aftermath. Oftentimes, this is the most difficult phase.

Recovering from a break up is never an easy task and there’s that train of thought that you would want to get your ex back. True enough, this is the first thing anyone could ever contemplate and be with their partner again. But you must not rush things. If you are under this cloud of wanting to get your ex back after a break up, you must assess the various reasons that lead to the separation. Sometimes, it would be dependent on various circumstances. For instance, if you break up because of an attitude misunderstanding, this can be easily cured by a thorough conversation. But if the underlying factor was another individual and a deeper issue then you need to think twice if you still desire to pursue the relationship again.

Another mode to recover from a break up is to do things that would make you busy. If you caught yourself in idle times, tendency is you would only linger on your once special someone and reminisce the moments that you were together. This can be very unhealthy and would only add up to the thought to get your ex back. This time prioritize on things and make the most of your singleness. Collect your thoughts on what interests you most and start from there. If you happen to be a sport enthusiast, then you can opt to try a different sport. This is also the perfect period to spend most of your time with your immediate family and closest friends. It would be very good to surround yourself with people especially those who can uplift your mood and spirit, and from there things will not be as difficult as it might seem.

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Why we need relationships – a simple reflection

The coined phrase “no man is an island” clearly holds true to the existence of a human being. From friends, families to lovers, we all need someone to depend on and hold on to.

Whether it involves family members, friends or a lover, we all need someone to make our lives meaningful and true enough; every person you meet in this world and in your lifetime will have an effect in your life, be it good or bad. Focusing on the romantic aspect of relationships, we will most definitely have our own fair share of romance and heartaches, of the joy of a first date to the sadness of a break up, of getting serious to getting married. Truth is, relationships are very unpredictable and can change its pace in the blink of an eye. Be it circumstances beyond our own control or our own conscious actions, everything we do and say can change the course of a relationship and this just does not apply to those romantically involved but to family and friends as well. It all comes down to one thing when it comes to relationship: to fulfill the need of companionship. We can never survive on our own and psychologically, we were born to interact and if we don’t have that interaction, it can have adverse psychological effects. Family and friends are there, whether we want them to be or not and we can always rely on them to be there for us. But a lover can fulfill needs that they can’t provide; the need to be loved and cared for, intimacy, the desire to be that right guy/girl. From the preparing for a first date to going on dates more often to getting serious to popping/answering the big question to getting married, it’s all one big process when it comes to romance. The only twist in love stories is the sad ending or a break up. We never want to break up with our lover but if it’s because of uncontrollable circumstances or controlled actions, we can never predict what’s in store for our lover, but the beauty of it is that you get to live by the day and take every single moment that you’re together with your partner and make it the happiest moment of your life, whether it’s a simple romantic monthly anniversary dinner or a night out at the coffee shop.

Our happiest and saddest moments happen when we are in love and that is what makes life worth living and the beauty of a romantic relationship is that we live and love by the day, making every single moment perfect for us and our lovers. It’s an unpredictable course in our lives and it’s a down trodden path to a lifetime of happiness and joy.

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When enough is enough – Get out of an abusive relationship

By definition, abuse means to use wrongly or improperly, to hurt or injure by maltreatment. Now, how does one define an abusive relationship and how does one get out of it? An abusive relationship is when one partner starts to hurt his/her partner physically, verbally and emotionally and victims of an abusive relationship don’t know when to break up until the damage has been done.

What determines an abusive relationship? Does it involve an exchange of physical altercations or verbal barrage of insults and putdowns or does it involve hurting the other one emotionally? The answer is a simple yes, whether it’s either one or all of the mentioned determinants. Breaking up with an abusive partner is the only option to get out of an abusive relationship as early as possible. But when people in a relationship fight, it always involves an exchange of hurtful words and yet after the fight, promises of the fight not happening again are made and broken. It’s one vicious cycle, to tell you the truth. Here are some early tell-tale signs that your partner is abusive and/or your relationship into an abusive path:

1.) Verbal abuse – your partner tends to say mean and hurtful things to you with no regards for your self esteem and dignity. He/she demeans your whole being.

2.) Physical abuse – your partner starts to lay a hand on you when you fight, be it a strong grab in the arm, a pinch or slap here, or a punch. A physical altercation is already a tell-tale sign that he/she is abusive when angry.

3.) Emotional abuse – your partner neglects your relationship by not showing up for dates, forgetting important issues like anniversaries, and the worst part cheating. He/she suddenly and drastically changes his/her entire being.

Bad break ups often come from an abusive relationship because one is more hurt the other and a break up from an abusive relationship has its share of hangovers and aftershocks. When people come out of an abusive relationship, it’s already been too late and the damage has been done to their:

1.) Self esteem
2.) Self respect
3.) Value of self importance
4.) Happiness


Battered women have a hard time moving on from their broken marriage/relationship because of the trauma caused by the abuse. I am not saying that only battered women feel this way, but also for men who have weak foundations in their being.
When these signs have already started to show, then you already know when to break up and it is best if you do it fast. When all you get out of that relationship is heartache, then breaking up is the only option for you.

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How not to break down after a break up

Creating relationships is by far one of the most daunting tasks and challenges in our life, whether it’s a simple friendship between neighbor, officemates and co-workers, and anybody you might pass by in the streets to the more meaningful and complicated relationship with that special someone. We are at our happiest moments when we love and are loved in return, but what happens when we break up with our special someone?

Life can be cruel sometimes. Just when you thought that everything is going so smooth and well and you think that you would finally get that happy ending that you so desperately want would change in a blink of an eye. A break up between couples would occur due to unfortunate circumstances, contributed by stupidity or destiny. Regardless of the circumstance and reason for the break up, we always end up as a down-trodden broken down shell of a human being; depressed, low on self esteem, and probably as fragile as a champagne glass on top of a bull’s head. The healing process takes a lot of time, depending on the strength and will of a person to move on and forget about the past. Most would just sulk around for months, even years, grasping to that one false piece of hope that he/she will get their ex back.

Breaking down after a break up is the normal and usual routine we go through, just like what happens to a computer after it crashes from a malicious software, the only difference being that the computer would eventually reboot after it has been fixed. So why can’t we be just like the computer and simply reboot our broken down self after a break up? Doing the tips mentioned below will speed up the healing and recovery process of moving on but take note some will be painful:

1.) No communications – it’s a noble act when we try to communicate with our former lovers in the hopes of hanging on, or simply being there for them when they don’t want us there in the first place. This act only benefits them and hurts us all at once. Cutting off communications between your ex is the baby steps to moving on.

2.) Keeping busy – with work, friends and family, and other fun stuff rather than sulking around in the dark corner of your bedroom is the best way to forget about someone. Remember how our mothers would dangle a toy in front of us before swiping that bandage off? Same thing with keeping busy. Doing something fun will help you recover faster because your mind is focusing on that something fun that you’re doing and ignoring the painful stuff.

Basically, these are just the 2 simple steps to hasten the healing process. Although some would advise you to start dating as a sign of moving on, but in all that’s honest to goodness, it’s not ideal. It’s about the same as going into the battlefield with one magazine of ammunition, a bullet in the leg, and going head on into the heavily armed opponents. When people still haven’t moved on after a break up, their judgment is clouded and impaired, so dating a break up is a big no-no unless you want to do the kamikaze.

Overall, it doesn’t take much to avoid breaking down after a break up. All it takes is a little knowledge of getting back on your feet after falling down.

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Mistakes your partner did – Break up advice for women

People have varying tolerance levels for other people. We can tolerate our friend’s obnoxious behavior, while we can’t do the same for other people. We can be patient for our mom while she’s lining up at the groceries, but we can’t be patient for the delivery boy who delivers your morning paper or coffee. Couples break up because of intolerance towards their partner.

When two people connect in a relationship, it’s no surprise that they will show their good side towards their partner, and unknowingly, their bad side. Women are more susceptible to notice the change in their partner’s behavior and are more sensitive than men. Women are known to be more patient than men simply because of their ability to understand people in a deeper level than men. When women move in with their partners, chances are the two sides will have a sudden change in behavior and attitude towards the other. From this point on, the relationship becomes a sitting duck and the break up is just around the corner with a rifle and its crosshair playfully hovering above the relationship. Quite the analogy but in a matter of speaking, it becomes fragile to the point where all that pent up anger and frustration towards your partner may only need one tipping point to end it all. Husbands argue with their wives because their wives nag too much. Wives nag so their husbands would somehow lend them an ear and heed their advice or order or whatever it is that they would want to do like clean the house, pick up the stuff on the floor and so on. On the women’s side of things, it’s somehow a frustration when their partners don’t listen to them. For a short time this may seem tolerable but in the long run, it’s bound to tip and spill. Of course, conflicts can easily be resolved when you just talk things out with your partners. Worst case scenario is couples break up because of certain unresolved conflicts. In the case of partners living together but not married, women would have different reasons to break up if they see that their partner is not all that they thought he would be. For women, I can offer you some break up advice should a break up can no longer be avoided because of your partner’s deficiencies and downfall:

1.) Break up advice # 1 – When your partner is drinks a lot and refuses to listen to you to stop, better bail out before you end up being beaten up in drunken stupor.

2.) Break up advice #2 – When you see your partner is 100% relying on you for his needs, despite the fact that he can hold a steady job but refuses to get one, better get out before you turn into his slave.


3.) Break up advice #3 – When your partner goes out late at night and refuses to tell you where he goes, then an affair may be lurking up and about. If you share the same circle of friends or if you’re close with his friends, then it’s time for a confrontation.

4.) Break up advice #4 – When your partner lies to you a lot, then there really is no point in staying with him for a prolonged state of time. Better to be out than hurt so much later on.

5.) Break up advice #5 – When your partner talks brashly and hurtfully to you, or in a shorter term, verbal abuse, it just shows that he really doesn’t value you totally as a person. Staying longer in this kind of relationship would end up damaging your self esteem.

It’s never too late to confront your partner and tell him what he is doing wrong. Listening is an important aspect of a relationship and if he still refuses to listen, then breaking up with him would probably be the best for you. It’s painful but you will get over it in due time and you will find someone else better than him.

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Are you friends with your ex?

After a break up, people choose to distance themselves from their ex’s or be close to them. Depending on the nature of your break up, choosing to be close with your ex or not is completely dependent on how you broke up in the first place.

For most people, the reason why they want to be close with their ex’s is that they want to get them back. It’s not exactly a bad idea to befriend your ex after a break up. Getting back with your ex may be on top of your mind if you feel that you broke up for all the wrong reasons. Honestly, there really is no harm in befriending your ex after a break up but it doesn’t necessarily mean that you can get back with your ex if you do this though. If it happens that you and your ex were very good friends or best friends even before you took the next step, then chances are you will revert back to that status if the relationship ended in good terms. Note that whenever you are with your ex, it may be awkward for a time considering how close you two were but it shouldn’t stop you from getting close with him/her regardless of your intentions why you want to be close in the first place. Getting back with your ex takes a lot of hard work, patience and determination; just because you want to get back with your ex doesn’t mean that your ex also wants to get back with you. If you and your ex share the same circle of friends, then it shouldn’t be hard to be close with him/her.

Just give them and yourself ample time to recover from the break up before you start deciding on befriending them again. It may take some time to recover from a break up but it is necessary for you and your ex if you want to be close with them or remain friends with them. Remember, when relationships fail, your friends will be the one to help you go through with it and it doesn’t hurt to add more to your list of friends.

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Learning from your mistakes will help you get back with your ex.

Life gives us the chance to make the right decisions in order for us to better ourselves in terms of living, work, school, and relationships. Mistakes are made when we often make the wrong decisions, deliberately or unknowingly.

Like stepping stones leading to another place, mistakes in relationships will often give us the chance to better ourselves for either the next relationship to come or for a past relationship. When we break up with our partners for different reasons, it often leaves us to re-assess what we did wrong in that relationship in order for us to avoid doing the same mistake in the next relationship, should there be a new one. Learning from your mistakes will sometimes mend your broken ways with your ex and getting back with your ex may be a possibility. Getting back together with your ex is ideal, assuming because it shows that you really love your ex and you would do what it takes to get back with your ex. Romantic as a failed relationship given a second chance may sound, take note that the phrase “history repeats itself” will be applicable. Just because we learn from our mistakes doesn’t mean we are not susceptible to doing it again. When people say that love is better the second time around, it also means that the pain involved will also be greater than the first time. So in a sense, there is more to risk in a second chance at a relationship because unlike a new relationship where in you get to start with a clean slate, second chances involve starting where you left off after breaking up.

Before considering getting back together with your ex, know what you did wrong in the previous relationship, regardless of the significance or value of the mistake. Assure yourself if your partner would also do the same because if not, then history will indeed repeat itself.

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How do I get my ex boyfriend back – When women realize their mistake of breaking up

There are always two sides of a story. When it comes to relationships, it’s usually the guys who are at fault for the break up. When women are at fault, it may take some time for them to realize before they ask themselves “how do I get my ex boyfriend back” or when they see their ex with someone else.

Breaking up is never easy. When women find it hard to move on after a break up, it may take some time for them to move on, most especially if they are the ones who are at fault for breaking up. In general, people find it hard to admit to their mistakes when they realize what they’ve done, and in a relationship point of view, when one or the other commits a mistake, they usually don’t admit to it. Sometimes all it takes for a person to realize their mistakes is when they see their ex is happy with someone else. It’s a harsh reality but more often than not, this happens to majority of us. When you start asking yourself “how do I get my ex boyfriend back”, then chances are you are now realizing what you’ve done after the break up. But worry not, there is still a chance that you can get your ex back and here is what you need to do:

1.) Admit to your mistakes by talking to your ex boyfriend.
2.) Re-evaluate where you went wrong in your relationship.
3.) Avoid the same mistakes if you are given a second chance.

Of course, you really can’t force your ex boyfriend to get back with you if he is already happy with someone else. But you can never be happy with yourself if you don’t admit to your mistakes. Mistakes will always haunt us and it is the price we pay for doing so but the best part in mistakes is that we make sure that we avoid doing them all over again.

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Why People break up and what to do after the break up

There are so many reasons why couples break up. There are many possibilities that may come into that tiny little noggin of yours. There are also a lot of things do after the break up.

There are so many factors and circumstances which might lead to a break up. Factors like work, distance, family and peers or even a third party; and circumstances like religion, family tradition, fixed marriage setups, and the list goes on and on. In any case, we often end up questioning ourselves after the break up. Certain questions like “Is there a chance I can get my ex back?” or “where did I/he/she/we go wrong?” or “what am I supposed to do now?” begin to pop into our head one by one as a form of self evaluation. Break ups will often put people at their lowest and depressing stage in their lives and it will often lead to them doing something drastic or desperate. To cope with a break up, acceptance is always the key technique. Accepting that the WE is now a ME, accepting that you’re now in the pool of bachelors, accepting the fact that you deserve someone better and your partner deserves someone better to are just some of the things that you need to consider after the break up.

Some things aren’t meant to stay together and some things aren’t meant for us to hold on to for a long time, whether it’s in the case of relationships or any materialistic object that we may value in our lives.

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