How not to break down after a break up

Creating relationships is by far one of the most daunting tasks and challenges in our life, whether it’s a simple friendship between neighbor, officemates and co-workers, and anybody you might pass by in the streets to the more meaningful and complicated relationship with that special someone. We are at our happiest moments when we love and are loved in return, but what happens when we break up with our special someone?

Life can be cruel sometimes. Just when you thought that everything is going so smooth and well and you think that you would finally get that happy ending that you so desperately want would change in a blink of an eye. A break up between couples would occur due to unfortunate circumstances, contributed by stupidity or destiny. Regardless of the circumstance and reason for the break up, we always end up as a down-trodden broken down shell of a human being; depressed, low on self esteem, and probably as fragile as a champagne glass on top of a bull’s head. The healing process takes a lot of time, depending on the strength and will of a person to move on and forget about the past. Most would just sulk around for months, even years, grasping to that one false piece of hope that he/she will get their ex back.

Breaking down after a break up is the normal and usual routine we go through, just like what happens to a computer after it crashes from a malicious software, the only difference being that the computer would eventually reboot after it has been fixed. So why can’t we be just like the computer and simply reboot our broken down self after a break up? Doing the tips mentioned below will speed up the healing and recovery process of moving on but take note some will be painful:

1.) No communications – it’s a noble act when we try to communicate with our former lovers in the hopes of hanging on, or simply being there for them when they don’t want us there in the first place. This act only benefits them and hurts us all at once. Cutting off communications between your ex is the baby steps to moving on.

2.) Keeping busy – with work, friends and family, and other fun stuff rather than sulking around in the dark corner of your bedroom is the best way to forget about someone. Remember how our mothers would dangle a toy in front of us before swiping that bandage off? Same thing with keeping busy. Doing something fun will help you recover faster because your mind is focusing on that something fun that you’re doing and ignoring the painful stuff.

Basically, these are just the 2 simple steps to hasten the healing process. Although some would advise you to start dating as a sign of moving on, but in all that’s honest to goodness, it’s not ideal. It’s about the same as going into the battlefield with one magazine of ammunition, a bullet in the leg, and going head on into the heavily armed opponents. When people still haven’t moved on after a break up, their judgment is clouded and impaired, so dating a break up is a big no-no unless you want to do the kamikaze.

Overall, it doesn’t take much to avoid breaking down after a break up. All it takes is a little knowledge of getting back on your feet after falling down.

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Are you friends with your ex?

After a break up, people choose to distance themselves from their ex’s or be close to them. Depending on the nature of your break up, choosing to be close with your ex or not is completely dependent on how you broke up in the first place.

For most people, the reason why they want to be close with their ex’s is that they want to get them back. It’s not exactly a bad idea to befriend your ex after a break up. Getting back with your ex may be on top of your mind if you feel that you broke up for all the wrong reasons. Honestly, there really is no harm in befriending your ex after a break up but it doesn’t necessarily mean that you can get back with your ex if you do this though. If it happens that you and your ex were very good friends or best friends even before you took the next step, then chances are you will revert back to that status if the relationship ended in good terms. Note that whenever you are with your ex, it may be awkward for a time considering how close you two were but it shouldn’t stop you from getting close with him/her regardless of your intentions why you want to be close in the first place. Getting back with your ex takes a lot of hard work, patience and determination; just because you want to get back with your ex doesn’t mean that your ex also wants to get back with you. If you and your ex share the same circle of friends, then it shouldn’t be hard to be close with him/her.

Just give them and yourself ample time to recover from the break up before you start deciding on befriending them again. It may take some time to recover from a break up but it is necessary for you and your ex if you want to be close with them or remain friends with them. Remember, when relationships fail, your friends will be the one to help you go through with it and it doesn’t hurt to add more to your list of friends.

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I want to get back with my ex – things to do before wanting to get them back

After a break up, people would immediately have the mentality of “I want to get my ex boyfriend back” or “I want to get my ex girlfriend back”. Some would immediately opt to start over and start dating again, some would often want to get back with their ex after breaking up with them.

There’s a saying that we lose things in order to gain something better. But what if we get back what we lost, but only better? Does it make sense? In a relationship point of view, breaking up with your partner is a normal yet difficult thing to do. After a break up, people would often want to move on by starting over again with new people. Others would want to move on by getting back with their ex. Now, these choices are not to be made easily. If you look at what happened to your relationship as a spectator and not the victim, you would often see the mistakes that were committed in the relationship. Saying “I want my ex girlfriend back” or “I want my ex boyfriend back” usually means that you want to give your relationship another chance. But hang on; there are things that you have to consider before getting them back:

1.) Analyze your mistakes – did you or your partner commit mistakes that caused the relationship to falter? This is the turning point of the decision to get them back or not.

2.) Will you do them again – will you commit the same mistakes all over again? Can you assure yourself or your partner that you won’t commit the same mistake twice?

3.) Value of self preservation – if your partner was the one at fault and you still want them back, ask for their assurance that he/she will treat you right the second time around if the relationship is given another shot.

4.) Value of self importance – ego is not a factor here. There was a ME before a WE in a relationship. Did you value the WE part more than the ME part? Are you terrible at being single (yes, some people are like this.)? Give yourself a chance to recover and do the first 3 steps before considering and making plans to get them back.

It’s very easy to say “I want to get my ex girlfriend back” or “I want to get my ex boyfriend back” after a break up. If you have reassessed yourself and the relationship enough to actually give it a second chance, then by all means go for it. But if there is but a single shred of doubt, then don’t commit into re-entering the relationship. Going back to your ex is a lot difficult than committing yourself into a new one.

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Dating after a break up – Good or bad idea?

Breaking up with someone is always the hardest thing to do. Coping after a break up is a lot harder. As stated in previous articles, there will always be a reason why couples break up.

Sometimes the things people do after a break up end up being stupid and regrettable. Majority would think “I want to get my ex girlfriend back” or “I want to get my ex boyfriend back” the moment they would see their ex with someone else. Now why is this? Often times, the reason for this is that people who have a hard time after a break up find a rebound person or someone that they feel comfortable with or to mask their true feelings and insecurities. Come on, dating after breaking up with your girlfriend or boyfriend isn’t exactly a good idea unless you’re one who quickly jumps up after being down after a break up. Then again, most people aren’t like that. It’s like going into battle with a bullet wound in your leg; you are not at your 100% performance level to get the next guy or girl that comes into your sights. If you have the mentality of “I want to get my ex girlfriend back or I want to get my ex boy friend back” when you see them with someone else, then you are fighting a losing battle, my friend. Deal with the pain of a break up in your own terms, not theirs. Sure there may be chances that they are only dating the girl/guy just to make you jealous but if you look at it from a closer point of view, those that date other people after a break up are just as broken as you are.

Coping after a break up requires patience and effort. If you are the one that can quickly bounce up after a bad break up, then good for you. If not, then you need the time to reassess everything.

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How to deal with the pain after a break up

Dealing with the pain after a break up is hard. It’s sometimes the most painful experience that one can feel in his/her lifetime that occurs every time you are in a relationship. More often than not, the pain is equal to that of losing a loved one who passed away.

Dealing with the pain requires a lot of patience, strength and effort. Dealing with the pain requires you to take time and recover from it, not jump into the sea of single women/guys. We all have different coping mechanisms to deal with pain, stress, heartbreak, and depression. But regardless of the difference, there will always be one or two methods that we all have something in common about. Here are just some of the different ways how to get over a break up.

1.) Do you want to get back with your ex? – Before the healing can actually start, you have to answer this question. Sometimes, getting back with your ex is in itself a healing process because you and your partner become better persons when you get back together and the relationship will last longer.

2.) Self – evaluation – If you answered NO on the first question, you are in the process of slowly moving forward on your own. This step is often the most difficult and most crucial part in any healing process because you are evaluating yourself.
List down all your mistakes and what you did and what you didn’t do in your past relationship/s. Ask yourself questions like “did you let work get a hold of you when your partner needed you most?” or “Where was I when he/she needed me most?” or “Where did I go wrong?” and answer them honestly. The truth hurts but this is crucial if you want to become a better person and for you to start feeling better.

3.) Distraction – take time to relax and enjoy life’s pleasures. Go out on a vacation, pamper yourself, and get your adrenaline pumping and all those other things that people consider fun.

It’s normal to be hurt after a break up. What’s important is how you get back on your feet when you’re down. Don’t beat yourself too hard when you do the self evaluation. Admit to your mistakes and avoid doing them all over again. This will help you become a better person.

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Break up hangovers – what to do and what not to do after the break up

When relationships break up, people get hangovers. In terms of drinking, hangovers are a reminder that drinking too much is a pain in the ass when you wake up. In terms of relationships however, hangovers are a reminder of what to do and what not to do in relationships after a break up occurs.

A relationship always has its ways of letting us do a better job at self evaluation. Sometimes even a relationship that has lasted for a very long time is most likely to fail. For the worst part of an ending relationship, like after a night of heavy drinking, we get hung over. Why? As the wounds of a broken relationship are still fresh, almost everything that will remind you of that relationship will be like alcohol on an open wound. More often than not, the first thing that comes to our minds after every break up is the question “can I get my ex back?”. Chances are, going back to your ex is dependent on the circumstance and reason on why you broke up in the first place; however this is not something that you’d want to dwell upon for the first few days of your break up.

What to do:

1.) Recover – take time to recover from your break up and enjoy the life of single blessedness for the time being. Go out with your friends, indulge yourself with work, or whatever it takes for you to recover.

What not to do:
1.) Moping – moping around won’t do you any good. You’ll never be able to get over the past if you keep on thinking about it. What’s done is done.

2.) Dating – dating other people is not a good idea when the break up is still fresh, because you are not at your 100% performance level when you are still wounded. Just take a look at a soldier. You can’t expect him to survive in battle with a bullet in his leg. More or less, this will be your situation.

These are just some of the important things to do and avoid after a break up. Of course, we all have our own ways of dealing with the break up.

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