Behind the heartbreak – thoughts and actions before and after a break up

Through the course of life, at some point in time we experience perhaps one of the most tragic incidents and that is losing a loved one. What is more painful about this is the thought that the one you loved was lost not because of an accident but by actions we did that resulted in breaking the former bond of our relationship. In addition, the moment of a break up is not the only instance that the pain would be felt but also the aftermath. Oftentimes, this is the most difficult phase.

Recovering from a break up is never an easy task and there’s that train of thought that you would want to get your ex back. True enough, this is the first thing anyone could ever contemplate and be with their partner again. But you must not rush things. If you are under this cloud of wanting to get your ex back after a break up, you must assess the various reasons that lead to the separation. Sometimes, it would be dependent on various circumstances. For instance, if you break up because of an attitude misunderstanding, this can be easily cured by a thorough conversation. But if the underlying factor was another individual and a deeper issue then you need to think twice if you still desire to pursue the relationship again.

Another mode to recover from a break up is to do things that would make you busy. If you caught yourself in idle times, tendency is you would only linger on your once special someone and reminisce the moments that you were together. This can be very unhealthy and would only add up to the thought to get your ex back. This time prioritize on things and make the most of your singleness. Collect your thoughts on what interests you most and start from there. If you happen to be a sport enthusiast, then you can opt to try a different sport. This is also the perfect period to spend most of your time with your immediate family and closest friends. It would be very good to surround yourself with people especially those who can uplift your mood and spirit, and from there things will not be as difficult as it might seem.

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Why we need relationships – a simple reflection

The coined phrase “no man is an island” clearly holds true to the existence of a human being. From friends, families to lovers, we all need someone to depend on and hold on to.

Whether it involves family members, friends or a lover, we all need someone to make our lives meaningful and true enough; every person you meet in this world and in your lifetime will have an effect in your life, be it good or bad. Focusing on the romantic aspect of relationships, we will most definitely have our own fair share of romance and heartaches, of the joy of a first date to the sadness of a break up, of getting serious to getting married. Truth is, relationships are very unpredictable and can change its pace in the blink of an eye. Be it circumstances beyond our own control or our own conscious actions, everything we do and say can change the course of a relationship and this just does not apply to those romantically involved but to family and friends as well. It all comes down to one thing when it comes to relationship: to fulfill the need of companionship. We can never survive on our own and psychologically, we were born to interact and if we don’t have that interaction, it can have adverse psychological effects. Family and friends are there, whether we want them to be or not and we can always rely on them to be there for us. But a lover can fulfill needs that they can’t provide; the need to be loved and cared for, intimacy, the desire to be that right guy/girl. From the preparing for a first date to going on dates more often to getting serious to popping/answering the big question to getting married, it’s all one big process when it comes to romance. The only twist in love stories is the sad ending or a break up. We never want to break up with our lover but if it’s because of uncontrollable circumstances or controlled actions, we can never predict what’s in store for our lover, but the beauty of it is that you get to live by the day and take every single moment that you’re together with your partner and make it the happiest moment of your life, whether it’s a simple romantic monthly anniversary dinner or a night out at the coffee shop.

Our happiest and saddest moments happen when we are in love and that is what makes life worth living and the beauty of a romantic relationship is that we live and love by the day, making every single moment perfect for us and our lovers. It’s an unpredictable course in our lives and it’s a down trodden path to a lifetime of happiness and joy.

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When enough is enough – Get out of an abusive relationship

By definition, abuse means to use wrongly or improperly, to hurt or injure by maltreatment. Now, how does one define an abusive relationship and how does one get out of it? An abusive relationship is when one partner starts to hurt his/her partner physically, verbally and emotionally and victims of an abusive relationship don’t know when to break up until the damage has been done.

What determines an abusive relationship? Does it involve an exchange of physical altercations or verbal barrage of insults and putdowns or does it involve hurting the other one emotionally? The answer is a simple yes, whether it’s either one or all of the mentioned determinants. Breaking up with an abusive partner is the only option to get out of an abusive relationship as early as possible. But when people in a relationship fight, it always involves an exchange of hurtful words and yet after the fight, promises of the fight not happening again are made and broken. It’s one vicious cycle, to tell you the truth. Here are some early tell-tale signs that your partner is abusive and/or your relationship into an abusive path:

1.) Verbal abuse – your partner tends to say mean and hurtful things to you with no regards for your self esteem and dignity. He/she demeans your whole being.

2.) Physical abuse – your partner starts to lay a hand on you when you fight, be it a strong grab in the arm, a pinch or slap here, or a punch. A physical altercation is already a tell-tale sign that he/she is abusive when angry.

3.) Emotional abuse – your partner neglects your relationship by not showing up for dates, forgetting important issues like anniversaries, and the worst part cheating. He/she suddenly and drastically changes his/her entire being.

Bad break ups often come from an abusive relationship because one is more hurt the other and a break up from an abusive relationship has its share of hangovers and aftershocks. When people come out of an abusive relationship, it’s already been too late and the damage has been done to their:

1.) Self esteem
2.) Self respect
3.) Value of self importance
4.) Happiness


Battered women have a hard time moving on from their broken marriage/relationship because of the trauma caused by the abuse. I am not saying that only battered women feel this way, but also for men who have weak foundations in their being.
When these signs have already started to show, then you already know when to break up and it is best if you do it fast. When all you get out of that relationship is heartache, then breaking up is the only option for you.

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Tell tale signs of a break up

People often tend to look at signs and slowly compose these to come up with something big and probable. In the case of relationships, couples often are on the alert of possible break up signs especially if they hit a big wave during the course. In addition, breaking up with someone who once became special to us is hard and truly nerve wrecking. Because after all the said gesture is an indication of an end and a loss at the same time.

So before you decide on the question “Should we break up?” You need to contemplate and really assess the so called break up signs thoroughly. You don’t want to end up losing the right partner for you in the process. In the end you would then be asking yourself “Can I get my ex back?” If you were the one ender of the relationship, then this can be very difficult to handle. Thus, I listed some typical break up signs to watch out.

• Petty arguments. Arguments in a relationship are common and some prove healthy to strengthen the initial bond. But if the occurrences of such quarrels had become a day to day basis then you need to be vigilant. In addition to such, if you and your partner would argue for the smallest possible thing and end up blowing the whole issue enormously, then it’s a typical sign that your partner wants a foundation to start the break up ball rolling. Bad break up often begins in an argument that partners don’t want to solve.

• Lessened intimacy. Being close is one key factor to strengthen the bond of any relationship. It is like taking it a notch higher by sheer touching and kissing. If you noticed that your partner is somewhat distant when it comes to this aspect by avoiding it tendency he/she is not anymore interested. If this would happen on a daily basis then it’s a possible break up sign.

• Third party. When the relationship is on the verge of breaking, there is a large tendency that your partner would slowly shift into someone. When a possible third party would come into play then it would be easy to get out of the relationship and perhaps forget the latter partner.

Ending a once happy relationship because of varying reasons is truly an unbearable pain. Just remember these break up signs and perhaps one can cut the bond with due decency. After all a bad break up is something that one should avoid so as to retain respect with the other.

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First Date Mistakes: Possible Slips and Tips to Take

First dates are crucial especially if you would want to start a budding relationship with that special someone. Because of such an impact, an event like a first date must be thoroughly planned and acted in the best possible way. But oftentimes, the strands of good luck are not always on our side. There would be a minor percent in the course of the overall date that might turn into something unexpected; and if not resolved may end up ruining the whole momentum and the possible connection.

Let me stress out that first date mistakes will and can occur. The error may be minor as an insect bite and as major as a possible date cancellation. But some of these incidents are either circumstantial or deliberate.

Circumstantial mistakes are slips that are purely out of control. One does not bear its responsibility. Here are some probable first date circumstantial mistakes and your probable first hand in control solution.

• Date Venue is full. If you don’t have prior reservations, tendency this first date pitfall can happen. But of course, if this would happen then try to find another place that can compensate on the first visited venue. This may be of equal leverage with the former or perhaps better. Do not find an alternative place that is lower than the first one and don’t even bother to wait in line unless your date wants the idea.

• Event cancellation. If you happened to conduct your first date on the realms of a movie house, a theatre or a concert, then there are times that it might get cancelled. Unless you are a VIP then you can demand a show run. But if this would occur, find an alternative event that can balance the date. Or you can simply shove away the concert and conduct it instead in a karaoke bar.

• Power outage. This would be a very unlucky circumstance to be in. But nonetheless, pursue with the date and take it a notch higher. Perhaps a little candlelight dinner would be nice. In addition a probable star gazing after the meal would add up to a date’s spice.

Deliberate mistakes are errors that anyone can do both accidentally and on purpose. To name a few here are the following.

• Getting too personal. Of course the objective of the first date is to know your date better. But it would be very important to notice also boundaries and privacies. It would be advisable to not to talk about too personal stuffs like a former break up unless your date started to share it with you.

• Offensive lines. If you are the type of person who usually says things offensively in a casual way, then be aware of your mouth the moment you are in a date. But if you already said that offensive line, then better apologize. Explain why you said such and provide a better atmosphere with your date. And better not to do that again.

• Wrong questions. Through the course of the conversation there are questions reserved for the next few dates but never on a first date. Remember the first deliberate mistake one can deliver.

Mistakes are part of a human’s life. No one is perfect thus there is no perfect date either. Whichever the case will be, bounce back from a probable mistake and learn from it.

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Strap up for a pick up – Meet girls the right way

Meeting women has always been a risky challenge for men since the dawn of time; from the banging of the clubs to meet other cavewomen back in the pre-historic era to the exchange and volley of pick up lines to pick up attractive women at your nearest club, bar or party.

Why a risky challenge? Well, men don’t always have that 100% guarantee that they will walk away with some girl’s number every night if they chose to go out. It takes a lot more than corny pick up lines to approach women. It takes guts, keen thinking, an observant eye, and a swaying tongue to pick up women. Here’s why:

1.) Guts – you need the confidence to go up to a woman and initiate a conversation with her. You won’t get anywhere if you don’t have the guts to even say something remotely nice to her just enough to light the fuse for a conversation. Approach women with confidence, not cockiness. Don’t be that overconfident jock of a guy who likes to flex his biceps and show off his abs, but be that guy next door, exuding confidence and humility at the same time. Girls like guys who are meek and believe it or not, they find it cute when guys are intimidated by them.

2.) Keen thinking – A keen thought is the key on how to pick up women. The scenario you play out on your head will not ALWAYS play out in real life, so be ready to think of your exit line (how you plan to get out or close the conversation) before you even approach women. Superheroes always have a fancy entrance and exit gracefully. It’s very important to think on your feet in case something doesn’t play out the way you want it to or something comes unexpectedly.

3.) Observant eye – is an important strategy to maintaining the interest of a woman if you have already initiated a conversation with her. Don’t let your eyes linger to the parts where the eyes shouldn’t go. Example, observe her arms, if they are a bit muscular, ask her if she goes out to the gym or does some rock climbing or swimming. Girls like it when we take notice of other things than their breasts or butt. Every single detail counts, like examining a marble masterpiece.

4.) Swaying tongue – keeps women’s attention to you. Always have a joke to share, a serious topic here and there, and don’t ever spill out more beans that you’re supposed to. Girls don’t find it funny when you tell them about that hilarious weekend you had when you got so drunk you did something embarrassing.

So now you have a little insight on what to do on how to pick up women. Do it right and you might end up with a number in your hand and a date in a couple of days. Do it wrong and you might get a drink in the face or pepper spray. Don’t come too strong to women and don’t look so desperate to pick up women, believe me they can sense when men are desperate to pick up girls.

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How not to break down after a break up

Creating relationships is by far one of the most daunting tasks and challenges in our life, whether it’s a simple friendship between neighbor, officemates and co-workers, and anybody you might pass by in the streets to the more meaningful and complicated relationship with that special someone. We are at our happiest moments when we love and are loved in return, but what happens when we break up with our special someone?

Life can be cruel sometimes. Just when you thought that everything is going so smooth and well and you think that you would finally get that happy ending that you so desperately want would change in a blink of an eye. A break up between couples would occur due to unfortunate circumstances, contributed by stupidity or destiny. Regardless of the circumstance and reason for the break up, we always end up as a down-trodden broken down shell of a human being; depressed, low on self esteem, and probably as fragile as a champagne glass on top of a bull’s head. The healing process takes a lot of time, depending on the strength and will of a person to move on and forget about the past. Most would just sulk around for months, even years, grasping to that one false piece of hope that he/she will get their ex back.

Breaking down after a break up is the normal and usual routine we go through, just like what happens to a computer after it crashes from a malicious software, the only difference being that the computer would eventually reboot after it has been fixed. So why can’t we be just like the computer and simply reboot our broken down self after a break up? Doing the tips mentioned below will speed up the healing and recovery process of moving on but take note some will be painful:

1.) No communications – it’s a noble act when we try to communicate with our former lovers in the hopes of hanging on, or simply being there for them when they don’t want us there in the first place. This act only benefits them and hurts us all at once. Cutting off communications between your ex is the baby steps to moving on.

2.) Keeping busy – with work, friends and family, and other fun stuff rather than sulking around in the dark corner of your bedroom is the best way to forget about someone. Remember how our mothers would dangle a toy in front of us before swiping that bandage off? Same thing with keeping busy. Doing something fun will help you recover faster because your mind is focusing on that something fun that you’re doing and ignoring the painful stuff.

Basically, these are just the 2 simple steps to hasten the healing process. Although some would advise you to start dating as a sign of moving on, but in all that’s honest to goodness, it’s not ideal. It’s about the same as going into the battlefield with one magazine of ammunition, a bullet in the leg, and going head on into the heavily armed opponents. When people still haven’t moved on after a break up, their judgment is clouded and impaired, so dating a break up is a big no-no unless you want to do the kamikaze.

Overall, it doesn’t take much to avoid breaking down after a break up. All it takes is a little knowledge of getting back on your feet after falling down.

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